


Fated.

by NikkiDeez



Series: Jaina Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Garrus Vakarian is a Good Friend, Horizon (Mass Effect), Kaidan is a Butt, Mass Effect 2, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 06:49:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10736379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikkiDeez/pseuds/NikkiDeez
Summary: He joined her to live again. She asked him to join her to have an archangel watch over her. Read and see how the two find just how fated they were to be with the other. A Fem-Shepard & Garrus fan fiction. Will be a mix of events from all three games.I always felt like the scene on Horizon needed to be better explained. It was just so cut and dry! Plus the fact that it ended in such a way but for some reason led to Kaiden sending that email. I don't know. I just like there needed to be more. Plus I like how this sets up the Garrus/Shepard relationship.This fic will contain various chapters that will start with the scene at Horizon and lead up to THAT scene in Shepard's quarters. Enjoy!





	1. Memento Mori

**SHEPARD SAYS…  
“People used to tell me that death was painful, and acted like it was some nightmare you had to run away from. As if worst thing that could happen to someone was the realization that you were about to meet your end. All sentient beings fear death. It logical to fear it, to fear the pain, to fear the finalization of your existence. I know different however. There were worse things then dying. I would know. I've died once already. There are worse things then death. Worse things then dying. Seeing the love of your life walk away? That's one of them…”**

**ON HORIZON…**

Her heart pounded. Her pulse raced. And the world seemed to have come to a stop. Seeing Kaidan again, seeing him standing there, alive… was possibly the greatest feeling in the world right now. She had been so afraid. The moment the Illusive man had told her that Kaidan was on Horizon, and that Horizon was about to be attacked by the Collectors, she had been in a state of panic. But it was over! He was fine! They were together again at last! When she had felt his arms go around her, she could scarcely believe her senses. She almost expected his arms to disappear, like a dream. But he was there, alive! Alive! She would have kissed him then and there… if it weren't for the look on his face when he pulled away.

"I thought you were dead Shepard. We all did…"

Jaina felt her body go still, seeing that the relief and joy was gone from his eyes. What replaced it… was anger. Wanting to avoid the fight she knew deep down was coming, Jaina forced herself to smile, a mask slipping over her features, her bright green eyes meeting his. "Kaidan. It's been a long time. Too long…" she said it, trying to be light about it, trying to keep it casual, not wanting to unload there and then in front of Garrus and Jacob. But she wanted to, oh god she wanted to! She wanted to leap into his arms and kiss his lips. But that wasn't what she did. Instead she held back… and was the person they had always needed her to be. The cool, calm, collected leader.

She had thought that Kaidan would sense that, hear the message hidden within her words. She had thought he would smile, and reach out to hold her again. Instead his face just darkened with resentment. "That's all you have to say? You show up after two years, and act like nothing happened?" he demanded, his words harsh with anger. "I thought we had something Jaina! Something real. I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

Jaina's heart thundered in her chest, unable to fight the feeling that things were somehow going wrong. This wasn't the Kaidan she remembered. Desperate to salvage the situation she forged on, her words quicker now, her blood rushing to her ears. "It wasn't up to me Kaidan!" she practically yelled. Then, hearing herself, Jaina sucked in a breath and forced herself to calm down, her voice returning to its normal pitch. "I spent two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me… I was basically lying dead on a operating table…"

Kaidan held up a hand, his eyes wide with shock… and horror. "Wait… you're with Cerberus now? Garrus too?"

Jaina blinked, and felt her head twist back to look at the Turian that stood behind her, their eyes meeting… and tried her best to not to let her terror show. But he saw it anyway. Jaina had never been able to hide much from Garrus. Ever since she had met him he had proved time and again how perceptive he was. She figured it was his detective skills. Little did she now that there was more too it then that. Trembling, Jaina forced herself to look away, her green eyes going to the ground, biting her lower lip, the pain clearing her mind. Then she looked back at Kaidan, her gaze level and hard. "Yes. He is." She said simply. And then she fell silent. But deep inside… she was screaming. She could feel it. The distance between her and Kaidan, once so small, so intimate… was growing with each passing second. And it hurt. It hurt a lot.

Kaiden stared at her as if she were a ghost, his face etched with shock. "I can't believe the reports were right…"

Garrus took a step forward then, the anger making his voice thick and harsh, Jaina too shocked by Kaidan's words to be able to say anything. He… had known… He had known that she had been alive… "Wait a minute. Reports? You mean you already knew she was alive? Since when?" Garrus then let out a furies hiss of air. "Why didn't you tell anyone? Tell me? Or the others?" the Turian demanded.

Kaidan's eyes narrowed at the Turian, almost as if to say why should he have told him anything. Then he looked at Jaina, his gaze frosty cold. "Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip that this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson had stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy…"

"So they sent you…" Jaina murmured softly, her mind going to the only person that could have been responsible for the 'tip.' The Illusive Man. Playing his mind games once again. Now not just with her. But with her friends as well. With Kaidan. The bastard. Stifling her anger for now, Jaina continued, trying to keep her voice neutral. She had to get Kaiden to understand… "Cerberus and I want the same thing; to save the human colonies. That doesn't mean I work for them."

Kaidan snorted at that, his dark eyes going to Jacob, who stared back at him defiantly, before letting his gaze return to her own, Jaina seeing the doubt there, the anger. "Do you really believe that? Or is that what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this…"

And that was when Jaina became angry. He was JUDGING her. After everything they had been through together! How could he? Taking a step forward, Jaina gave Kaidan a furious glare, her green eyes lasers. "Like what Kaidan? Go on, tell me." Jaina demanded, her voice thick with rage. "You always were the 'honest' one. Remember? My little angel sitting on my goddamn shoulder, always telling me what was right, what was wrong. So tell me. What didn't you expect?" she demanded, and she gave him a savage look that had made lesser men tremble. _**This is the line,**_ the look said. _**Don't cross it.**_

Kaidan wasn't a lesser man however. To his credit, he stood his ground. And said words that Jaina never expected to hear him say. "I didn't expect you to be like this! You turned your back on everything we believed in, Jaina. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed ME."

Jaina felt it. Her face paled. Her eyes widened. And she reared back as if he had struck her. There was only one word that could describe what she felt at that very moment. Heartbreak. Behind her, Jaina heard it. A thick snarl. A clawed hand gripping a trigger on a sniper rifle, and without having to look back, Jaina knew that Garrus had stepped forward, probably about to lash out. So she raised a hand, and turned back to give the Turian a look, their eyes meeting once more. And after a moment of looking into her hollow eyes, Garrus stopped. Jaina looked back at Kaidan… and struggled not to cry. "Kaidan… you know me. You know I'd only do this for the right reason… I do what I have to… to protect… You KNOW that… You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies. And they are working with the reapers!" Please believe in me… her mind begged him. Please trust me… like you always did…

But Kaidan just gave her a tragic look. And Jaina knew then that whatever they once had… was over. "I want to believe you Jaina. I do. But I don't trust Cerberus. I remember what they did. I remember the test subjects. I remember General Kahoku. Maybe you forgot, but I haven't. They could be using the threat of the Reapers to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"

Jaina couldn't speak. Couldn't talk. She was still too shocked. She didn't want to believe that this was happening. And when she didn't speak, someone jumped to her defense. Someone she never would have expected to do so. Garrus. "Damn it Kaidan!" the Turian snarled in disgust. "You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat! Shepard wouldn't align herself with Cerberus lightly. Not if there was no other choice. You know that!"

Kaidan glared at Garrus, and Jaina saw his hands start to glow, sensed the pull of biotic energy tug at her mind, and knew that Kaiden was summoning his biotic powers to silence the ex C-Sec officer. Not wanting things to get bloody, Jaina stepped forward, desperate to find some level of control of the situation. But she couldn't. She felt as if she had been left adrift in some endless sea… a sea she was drowning in. It was all wrong… all of it… "Please listen to him Kaidan… You're letting how you feel about Cerberus get in the way of the facts. You're letting it cloud your judgment!"

Kaidan just shook his head before taking a step back, as if he already needed to get away from her. As if she were something dangerous. Something wrong. "Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You changed. You're not the woman I remember… not the soldier I fell in love with… But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

Jaina almost felt her jaw drop. She couldn't believe it. Kaidan… was going to walk away. From her. She couldn't take it. She just couldn't. He had always been her rock, her anchor, the eye of the hurricane that was her life. When she had chosen him on Virmire, it hadn't been because it was the right thing, or that he was a higher rank then Ashley. Deep down Jaina knew she had chosen him because she had loved him. And now he was going to walk away! "Please Kaidan… Come with me… It'll be just like old times…" But then she fell silent. _No. She would not beg. If he wanted to leave… then so be it._

And Kaidan said the words she had been waiting for. "No it won't." he said stiffly. "I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye Shepard. And be careful." And with those final words, Kaidan turned… and walked away.

Jaina watched him as she walked away, feeling her heart turn cold with every step that he took. A part of her felt numb. Shocked. And the other part was screaming. She wanted to fall on her knees and cry. She wanted to hit him until he bled. She wanted to do a lot of things. But she couldn't. Not with the others there, watching her. Not with Garrus's eyes burning into her back. Instead she stood there. And let him walk away. And with every step he took… she felt her pain and anger grow. She had to get out of here. NOW.

Activating her omi-tool, Jaina connected to her comm to the Normany, her voice a mere whisper, feeling it, the shake start to take hold. She needed to get off of this damn rock. Now. Before she let go. Before Jacob or Garrus saw her loose it. "Joker," Jaina snarled into the mic. "Send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony…" And not even waiting to hear Joker's response, Jaina signed off, turned, and stormed away, ignoring the stares she knew were following her. She would not look back. No matter how badly she wanted to… she would not look back.

Garrus watched Shepard as she walked away, the Turian silent, his scarred face set in a tight scowl, his mandibles twitching. Standing next to the former C-Sec officer turned vigilante, Jacob Taylor said nothing, his face only wearing a look of pity. Garrus on the other hand… was fuming. He had worked with humans for years, decades even, and never had he felt such a murderous need to throttle one before. Before he used to accept their eccentricities, and simply called them 'human nature.' But today… today he actually wanted to **KILL** a human with his bare hands. And not just any human either. He had wanted to _kill_ Alenko. Garrus wanted to throttle the man. He had walked away from Shepard. Said she had betrayed him. And not only that… he had also broken her heart. Garrus had seen it in her eyes. Saw it in the way she stood. Smelled it on her skin. Heard it in her heartbeat. Today Kaidan had broken her. And then he had walked away, leaving the pieces behind. The bastard!

Ever since that fateful day back on Omega, Garus had looked at Jaina's return as a sort of gift. He had lost her, and upon losing her he had felt as if he had lost a part of himself. Before she had died, Garrus had a purpose, a reason for living… but when she had died… it had been like he too had died. He lost his purpose. He had lost his meaning. It had been why he had gone to Omega, and became Archangel. To try and get a taste of what he had lost. But it had never been the same. Ever since she had died, he had felt like something was missing something. Like when newly made amputee still feels fingers. He had felt the loss. And now that she was back, he wasn't going to let her go. She had saved him just by being alive! She gave his life meaning, direction. Garrus had thought that Kaidan would have felt similarly. After all, he had been the 'lucky one' to have won Shepard's heart. Surely he would have known better. But Garrus had been wrong about the human male. He may have loved Shepard… but his loved his 'principles' and the Alliance even more. And his carelessness, his thoughtlessness, with which he spurned Shepard's love, enraged Garrus almost beyond thought or meaning.

With a snarl, Garrus turned around and started to stalk his way after the departing Alliance soldier, ignoring the wide-eyed stare he got from Jacob, not caring what the human Cerberus agent would think of him storming away. All Garrus cared about was catching up to Kaidan, and give the human a piece of his mind. It took only a few steps of Garrus's long legs to get him to catch up with the departing soldier, and before Kaidan had a chance to even turn, Garrus reached out with a clawed hand and grabbed Kaidan by the arm, the Turian spinning Kaidan around. And just like that the two were nose to nose. Kaidan gasped, clearly surprised. This kind of attitude wasn't normal of Garrus. The Turian was usually so uptight! Sure he was brash and reckless, but he wasn't violent. Not like this anyway! Half the time he was like a damned uptight, anal robot! He rarely let his emotions get the better of him! To see the Turian so obviously upset was disturbing, like seeing a rock talk. It just wasn't… normal. "Garrus! What the hell are you doing?" Kaidan yelled. Then Kaidan's training kicked in, and the Alliance soldier yanked his arm out of Garrus's grip. And winced, feeling the claws in those three fingers almost rip skin. If it hadn't been for his armor… Garrus would have hurt him! "Have you lost your damned mind?"

Garrus gave Kaidan a glare that made the biotic almost step back. And then he snarled. "I should be asking you the same question. What are you doing Alenko! She needs you!"

Kaidan stared at Garrus, shocked. "What?" he yelled. Then Kaidan looked deeper into Garrus's gaze. And saw it. The rage. The need to protect. And understood. All this time… he had thought that he understood the Turian, understood why he fought with Shepard. But now he knew. It had nothing to do with saving the galaxy… and everything to do with being with _her…_ "This has nothing to do with you Garrus." Kaidan said in warning, his voice thick with emotion. Anger. Shock. Denial. He couldn't take it. He needed to get out of here, needed to escape that look. "Stay out of it." And with that Kaidan started to turn to leave.

But Garrus didn't let him. Moving with the speed of a six-foot tall predator, Garrus stepped into Kaidan path and glared down at the shorter human, his long arms crossing over his broad, chest, needing to do something with them to avoid punching the human. "I said she NEEDS you." Garrus snarled. "You know she does! How could you just walk away from her?"

Kaidan inhaled sharply. And he didn't need to look down to know that his hands were glowing, waves of biotic energy dancing off his hands. "Because. I'm done Garrus. She's changed. The Shepard that I know wouldn't have joined with Cerberus. The Shepard that I remember, wouldn't do that. She would rather die then join with those monsters! The Shepard I know, that I remember, that I loved, DIED that day."

For a minute there was silence. Wind danced through the empty colony. And the two warriors, once former comrades in arms, gazed at one another, unable to make heads or tails of the other.

Garrus stared down at the human, an incredulous look on his face, his reptilian eyes wide, his mandibles flaring. Then he shock his head, and stepped back. "I used to think that you were an honorable man Alenko. A good man. A smart man." Garrus murmured, his voice thick with disgust. "But today… you just became another fool who didn't know how good he had it." Garrus snorted then. "Do not come crying to me when you realize what you have lost today… because you HAVE lost something Alenko. You lost the best thing that ever happened to you."

And then Garrus turned, and walked away, heading back to his Commander, while Kaidan watched him leave, a look of horror on his face.


	2. Déjà Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the Horizon Scene, basically follows the events of the previous chapter. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Mass Effect and it's characters belong to Bioware. Unfortunately. *Cries in the corner at the realization of this fact.* Didn't make any money from this however. Just wrote it up for the fun of it and because my brain told me so.

**GARRUS SAYS:  
“I’m used to seeing things in black and white… but grey? I don't know what to do with grey…”**

The shuttle ride back to the Normandy was an uncomfortable one. Jaina sat in her seat; her eyes lined with red and her face a pale, hollow mask, saying nothing. She looked… haunted. A part of her was still in shock over what had just transpired on Horizon. The other part was furious. And a pissed off biotic usually has a hard time hiding it. Both Garrus and Jacob watched their commander as she sat there, and both could see it happening. The vibrating waves of building up biotic energy billowing from her hands. Jacob shifted uncomfortably in his seat, keeping his dark eyes on the floor, no doubt able to feel the energy building up, being a biotic as well. 

Garrus said nothing, his eyes never leaving her, his hands cradling his sniper rifle with a vice-like grip, his face tight, harsh, as if set in stone. He himself was struggling. Struggling to not get up from his usual seat in the back. Struggling to not go and sit with her. Struggling to not reach out and hold her. Turians were a close-knit society. They were infamous for their strong sense of unity, and the ease in which they worked in groups. To see such uncertainty in his leader, who also was his closest friend, was enough to put the Turian on edge. The fact that he also secretly was attracted to her… just made it worse.

Jaina was unawares of this however. Hell, she was barely able to notice the two men in the shuttle with her. They might as well have been invisible. It was taking every once of self-control she had to not break down and start sobbing right there. A part of her was devastated, and wanted to cry until there were no tears left. The other part wanted to turn the shuttle around, go down to Horizon, and break every bone in Kaiden's body. Over and over again she heard his words echo in her head.

 _You turned your back on everything we believed in… You betrayed the Alliance… You betrayed me…_

Jaina squeezed her eyes closed, and fought a scream, her teeth clenching… and felt something deep inside snap. Suddenly the metal of the hull groaned as a biotic wave rippled through the hull. Both males blinked in surprise, and as one they both turned to stare at Shepard, noting her pained expression, her tight jaw, and her pulsing blue fists. And knew. That had been her biotics that had shook the shuttle.

By the time they reached the Normandy, Jaina was a blinking, glowing star of biotic energy. And she was obviously having a hard time of holding it all in. Her face was a tight grimace. Sweat peppered her forehead. Her hands shook as they clutched the shotgun. And her eyes, normally a bright green, were lustrous blue stars. It hadn't been this hard before for her before. Before she had died, and before Cerberus had rebuilt her, she hadn't been much on the biotic power scale. Nowhere as powerful as an asari. Strong yes, as all vanguards were. But not THIS powerful. She usually also had better control. But thanks to Cerberus, Shepard was now an L5. Before she had been an L3. And the L5 implant came with an unexpected power boost. Something she was still getting used to.

When Jaina stepped out of the shuttle and into the shuttle bay, she looked up and found Miranda standing on the deck, and watched as the woman's usually composed face melt into a wide-eyed stare. "Shepard…" Miranda almost gasped, the Cerberus operative taking in Jaina's appearance before glancing at the other two, as if to get answers. Jacob shook his head, and Garrus just gave the woman a glare, having made it no secret that he didn't like her. Miranda looked back at Shepard, who was walking forward, eyes on the deck, looking like a ticking time bomb needing to explode. "Shepard… the Illusive Man has asked for you to give him a report on Horizon…" Miranda commented softly, for once sounding caught off guard.

Jaina's face became a frosty glare. "What!" she snarled, the savage sound of her usually calm voice actually causing Miranda to jump. "Now?" she said incredulously, a part of her hating Miranda that moment, just wanting to be left alone, Jaina looking down at herself in disgust. She was covered in Collector blood, dirt, and shotgun residue. Plus, with the mood that she was in, and the way her biotics were reacting, she was probably going to end up blowing a hole in the hull just by seeing that man's face in the Conference Room. No way she was talking to him now. "Give me an hour." Shepard said, practically growling. "I need to clean up… get every trace of that fucking planet OFF of me." And with that Jaina stormed out of the hanger, not even bothering to wait for an answer, her every footstep echoing against the floor, a billowing cloud of biotic energy trailing after her wake.

Both Miranda and Jacob watched her as she left. Then Miranda swirled around to glare at the two males, her arms crossing over her ample chest. "What happened?" she demanded, her words carrying her light Australian accent. "I've never seen Shepard so upset. Something very wrong must have happened down there. And I want to know what."

Jacob shifted, his dark eyes going down to the floor. "We bumped into an Alliance soldier while down on Horizon. A Commander Alenko. He was on the first Normandy with Shepard…" Jacob admitted. "They… didn't part on the best of terms…"

Miranda snorted. "Well, that's a bloody understatement." she snapped. Then Miranda turned to glare at Garrus, who had ignored them all and was about to step out of the hanger, clearly intent on getting away from the conversation that concerned his commander, his eyes staring strait ahead. "Garrus! You should go talk to her." Miranda called out.

The former C-Sec officer froze in mid-step, and then slowly turned to look at the sultry Cerberus agent, his reptilian blue eyes like ice. "What?" he said coldly.

Miranda forged on, unafraid, turning to give Garrus a cold glare of her own. "I know Shepard. She'll bottle this up, try to shove it in the back of her head to deal with later. But we both know that won't work. She needs to talk to someone, someone that was there with her, on the first Normandy. Someone that understands… the situation."

Garrus arched a bony brow. "In other words, you want me to make sure she is still up to doing the job you brought her back to do." Garrus asked, his tone dark. Then her glowered. "Why can't you just leave her in peace? Shepard will deal with it. She always does. It's who she is. She doesn't need me to check on her…"

Miranda shrugged, rolling her shoulders, looking casual, aloof even, but her eyes bore into Garrus's skull with the intensity of a shark, unblinking. "Maybe. Maybe not. She is a strong woman, I'll give her that. But she is still just a woman, one that could potentially forget her priorities and let her emotions cloud her judgment. Either way, I'm not willing to risk it. We need Shepard functional, Garrus. See to it that she remains so." And with that the woman walked out of the hanger, not even bothering to give the other two a backwards glance.

Garrus watched the woman as she walked away, his face set in an almost murderous glare. "Bitch." He snarled, his voice thick with disgust. Then Garrus turned to give Jacob a scowl. "How you are able to deal with that woman on a daily basis is a mystery to me." the Turian muttered darkly.

Jacob gave Garrus a tragic smile. "Well, at least you haven't slept with her…" Jacob said, this getting a wide-eyed stare from the Turian, one that Jacob chose to ignore. "Still, Miranda's got a point Garrus. Shepard needs to vent. Get this off her chest. Otherwise she'll just bury it. And we both know what that can do to a person." Then Jacob's face softened, and he reached out to give the Turian's shoulder a gentle pat. "You know her Garrus. Know her better then anyone else on this ship. She won't talk to Miranda or me. Like Miranda said, we don't know her history with Alenko… but you do. And you care about her. She may not have noticed, the others may not have noticed… but I have. Been on enough missions with you to see how you look at her when you think no one is watching… So go talk to her. Who knows? Maybe something will come out of it."

And with that Jacob turned and left, leaving Garrus staring after him, his steel-blue eyes wide.

Jaina sat in the chair facing her desk, still dressed in her bloody body armor, her legs stretched out before her, her bright green eyes hollow, having loosened the bun ponytail she usually kept her shoulder-length red hair in, her wavy coils spilling out across her neck and shoulders. In her hand she had a glass of ice and scotch, from a bottle she had bought on Omega. She had bought it, along with Dr, Chakwas' brandy, with the intention of celebrating with the crew after they got rid of the Collector threat. Now however, the bottle served another purpose; to ease the burning pain that Horizon had left in her heart.

Jaina took a sip form the glass, and tried her best not to make a face. She wasn't a drinker, but sometimes, at times like this, Jaina would have a drink or two. It usually didn't do much to dull the pain… but it was nice to know she had something to turn too. Jaina's eyes closed. And felt her lower lip tremble. Her eyes wanted to cry. But her anger and pride didn't let her. She refused to cry. Crying meant that she was at fault, that Kaiden had been right about her. And she hadn't been at fault today. And it pissed her off that he would dare say she had 'betrayed' him.

When in doubt, choose anger over despair, her father used to always say. Anger gets you moving. Despair holds you back. No truer words could have been spoken now. So Jaina went with anger. And there was a lot of it. Jaina felt her lips curl in a silent snarl that would have made Wrex proud. Betrayed. He actually said that she had betrayed him. It almost was if he was saying that she had died on purpose. Like she intentionally wanted to hurt him by getting herself spaced. Jaina snorted and took a fresh sip from her glass, the burn of the booze paling in comparison to the rage she felt.

Oh right. She died to hurt him. Suuuure. Just like she joined with Cerberus to hurt him too. Didn't Kaiden know her at all? Jaina downed the rest of the glass and grimaced. Evidently not. Jaina looked at her desk then, her eyes finding the picture frame that held his picture, and immediately felt her face darken into a furious glower. "Asshole!" she snarled, and with fresh surge of rage, Jaina reached out and shoved the picture frame aside, her biotics flaring, Jaina blinking, watching the picture frame fly off the desk and slam into the opposite wall, the glass frame shattering, sending glass shards frying all over her desk like confetti. Damn it.

"Commander, it has been recorded that your biotic energy field has reached critical levels. Would you like for me to contact Dr. Chakwas?" EDI voice chimed then.

Jaina turned to look over her shoulder, seeing that EDI's round, blue 'face' had popped up, and rolled her eyes. Contact Chakwas? For what? A sedative? Oh brother. "I'm fine EDI." Jaina growled at the AI. "It was just a picture frame. No big deal."

"Shall I send a clean up crew to come to your quarters?" the AI asked in her oh-so-annoyingly calm voice.

Jaina almost growled. "No! I'll clean it! Now leave me the fuck alone!" Jaina snapped, and watched with a grim smile as the AI winked away. Ah. Silence at last!

And as if the gods had been listening in, a familiar sound interrupted Jaina's solitude. Namely the doorbell. BLEEP-BLOOOP!, chimed Jaina's door, almost as if to taunt her, causing the woman to let out a frustrated moan, Jaina leaping to her feet and marching towards the door. "Damn it Miranda!" Jaina snarled, reaching for the button, hearing to door hiss open. "I said that I wanted to…" Then Jaina saw who was at door, and promptly felt her words die on her lips, her green eyes blinking in surprise. She had expected to see Miranda. Instead it was Garrus that stood at her door, the tall Turian wearing what she would call an embarrassed look on his face, Jaina feeling her cheeks tint red. "Oh, uh, Garrus… hi." Jaina murmured. "Sorry… I thought you were… well, someone else."

Garrus gave her a small smile, his mandibles twitching. "Sorry to disappoint."

Jaina shook her head, taking a step back, instinctively letting him in, her body moving before her mind could argue, the Turian accepting her silent invitation, Jaina blinking at herself as he walked past her. Hadn't she wanted to be alone just now? "No, it's okay… I'm glad it's you." she found herself saying, the words spilling from her lips, turning to see him blink at her words, clearly having not expected her to say such a thing, Jaina surprised at herself as well.

Because she wasn't lying. She WAS glad it was him. Really glad in fact. To see him standing there was like a breath of fresh air. It eased her pain, comforted her. Something that surprised her deeply. Jaina's eyes met his. And she felt her insides twitch in… apprehension? Fear? No. It was something else entirely. Caught off guard, Jaina cleared her throat, and forced herself to walk past the Turian, who stood there, watching her with that reptilian steel-blue gaze, her shoulder brushing against him, heading to her desk, Jaina's eyes on the mess there, her face flushing, realizing that the bottle was still on the table, next to the empty glass. He knew that she had been drinking. Well. It wouldn't be the first time he'd seen her drink. And at that thought brought up memories, memories that whispered in her ear, and Jaina remembered another night two years ago, were Garrus had come to her quarters to talk to her. And with him standing there, Jaina couldn't help but get a sense of déjà vu…

Garrus felt his body shiver in reaction when she brushed against him to head to her desk, Garrus's eyes following her as Jaina moved to sit down in her chair, his eyes roaming over her figure, taking advantage of the fact that her back was turned. And had to fight to keep himself from staring. Despite the strangeness that was her human form, Garrus had to admit that he found her attractive. It wasn't that he had a fetish for humans, unlike some other Turians did. Just her specifically. Everything about her held some sort of strange appeal for him, from the way that she held her hair, to the way she smelled. It was like she was some kind of magnet, drawing him and so many others together. She attracted beings, pulled them in with her commanding spirit. He remembered first feeling it on the Citadel, shortly after they had met in Dr. Michel's office. They had taken care of the thugs easily enough, with him firing the first shot, thanks to her timely arrival providing the distraction he needed. She didn't say anything. Didn't pause, didn't doubt, and quickly aided him in taking out the thugs, shooting one with her always well aimed shotgun, and sending the other flying into a wall with a biotic blow to the chest. And then she had looked up at him with those bright green eyes, eyes that reminded him of the trees of his home planet… and smiled…

Garrus inwardly sighed. Jaina Lillian Shepard. Former Alliance soldier. Former specter of the Citadel. Former savior of the galaxy. Garrus had always wondered when she had become something more then just his Commander. Had it started then? Or later? As he eyes followed her as she moved to sit as her desk, her body angled towards him but her eyes on the floor, cheeks tinted pink in a blush, and her face contorted into a grimace of walled up pain, Garrus thought back, a remembered the last time they had been together like this…

**~ FLASHBACK ~  
TWO YEARS AGO…**

They had been four hours out from reaching Noveria. They had left the Ferros colony feeling lost. They had hoped that with the memories in the Cipher and Liara's telepathic aid would have been able to get something out of Jaina's Prothean memories. Instead they had just more questions. The Normandy was quiet. It was late. According to the ship chronometer, it was around three in the morning. Everyone was asleep. Except for two people. Garrus had been in the hanger bay, working on fixing the Mako, wanting to make sure that the vehicle's canon was operational before reaching Noveria (it had been glitchy after suffering some damage on Ferros), when his sensitive ears picked up the faint sound of a scream, then movement coming from Shepard's cabin. Concerned, Garrus headed up. What he found was somewhat surprising.

Shepard, dressed only in a tank top and some kind of undergarment (what did humans call them? Pajamas?), her tiny pink feet bare and her hair loose, her eyes haunted, and her skin pale and wet with sweat. She had looked like a wreck. She had opened the door wordlessly, blinked in surprise when she saw who was at her door, but stepped aside to let him in anyway. So trusting. So welcoming. So unafraid. It had surprised him. "Garrus?" she had asked, reaching up to brush aside a strand of red-colored hair, Garrus's eyes following the movement, her other hand clutching a glass that smelled of alcohol. "You okay?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Garrus replied softly.

Shepard smiled then, probably surprised at his concern, and gestured towards a chair next to a table, moving to sit down in the seat next to it, bringing a leg up and gesturing towards her empty bed, the sheets in disarray, Shepard letting out a soft sigh. "I'm fine… just couldn't sleep. What about you?" She murmured, her voice soothing to the ear, calm and at ease, a comfort.

But Garrus wasn't buying it. He glanced at the table. Saw the bottle there. And knew that there was more going on. "I was working on the Mako, making sure she's ready for Noveria… And I needed something to do… Turians don't need to sleep as much as humans do… When I heard you moving around, I figured I'd come up and check up on you." Garrus said, his words getting him a surprised blink, then a smile. Then Garrus reached out for the bottle, and gave it a whiff. It was alcohol all right. Some kind of human variety. Scotch? He had it before, on the Citadel. And Shepard didn't seem like the type that drank often. "Another dream?" he asked lightly as he quietly held the bottle, reading the label, seeing no warning labels against Turian consumption. Must agree with his dextro-amino acid stomach. Holding the bottle up, and getting her nod, Garrus then poured himself a glass, then wordlessly refilling Shepard's.

Nodding her head in thanks, Shepard sighed tiredly, and nodded. "Yea…"

"Ah." Was Garrus's only response, the Turian raising the glass to his lips and taking a tentative sip, then licking his lips and blinking in surprise, feeling the stuff burn it's way down. Huh. Not bad.

Shepard snorted, having been watching him, and raised her own glass to her lips, having a sip of her own. How strangely normal this was. Them drinking together, talking. It was strangely relaxing. "It was the Prothean vision…" she explained, her voice tentative, almost shy. She wasn't used to talking to someone like this… not even Kaiden… She was so used to keeping a wall around herself, and acting the part of the cool, calm and collected leader… but Garrus didn't make her feel the need to put her guard up. He accepted her for who she was, faults and all. If only she felt so at ease with others… "After getting the Cipher… well, lets just say that the visions… intensified…" Shepard admitted, her voice soft and meek, nothing like it's usually strong timber.

Garrus gazed down at the woman was seated next to him, his gaze softening. "What's are they like?" he asked. "The visions?" Do they cause you pain?, he almost asked, but left that part unsaid.

Shepard inhaled a long breath, her gaze going to the wall, her face expressionless. Only her eyes showed her true self… and what lay in there… haunted him. It was eyes full of pain. Agony. And unbelievable terror. It was the eyes of someone who had witnessed the destruction of an entire race. And remembered it vividly. "I see synthetics… protheans… screaming… in pain, terrified. And something… a shape… like a dark cloud… appears…" Shepard then shook her head, and bit her lower lips. "And that's when I feel them die in my head."

Garrus gazed down at her, in awe. All that was what lay behind those jade green eyes? By the Spirits! Garrus looked into his own glass. And then he surprised Shepard by reaching out to put his arm around her shoulder, the tall Turian giving her a pat, his other hand reaching out to give her glass a clink. "No wonder you broke out the alcohol."

And Shepard had laughed. Tilted her head back and laughed, her green eyes dancing, and her hair glowing under the lights of her room… That was when it happened… and Shepard suddenly become something else. She no longer was just the Commander… she became something else… she became HIS Commander…

**NOW…**

Garrus inhaled sharply. The memory, still so vivid, always left him reeling. And now, two years later… he felt almost as it he was reliving those moments from before. Before she had appeared like some angel, back on Omega. Before she had died. Oh how he used to remember those talks they had. That night they had stayed up for an hour, just talking and drinking themselves to a stupor. They ended up falling asleep right there in their chairs. Both woke up four hours later with a mean hangover and achy backs. And both had laughed it off, headed down to the Mako, and suited up. It had been so… normal. The fact that she was a human alliance officer, and he a Turian C-Sec officer, had made no difference. Just as it didn't now.

Garrus watched Jaina as she slumped down in her seat, leaning forward, one hand clutching the glass, the other hand going to her temple, her small, pink fingers massaging her temples. She looked so… alone. It broke his heart… and made him want to go back down to Horizon to hit Alenko all over again. Instead Garrus clenched his teeth, buried his rage, and walked over to Jaina, silently poured himself a glass, and sat down next to her.

Just like old times.

Terse stillness followed, and for a minute of two friends sat together in silence, wordlessly sipping from their glasses, neither daring look at the other. Then, after a moment, Jaina finally turned to look up at him, her bright green eyes boring into his steely blues. "They sent you to check on me, didn't they? Jacob and Miranda…" she asked him softly, arching a brow, a weak smile gracing her lips.

Garrus snorted. "Miranda can be very… assertive." He muttered.

Jaina chuckled. "Nice way of putting it. I would have called her a domineering bitch." Then Jaina sighed. "God. Cerberus. How the hell did we get here Garrus? I never thought it would come to this…" Then her face became a hard mask. "Never thought that Kaiden would walk away either…" Jaina closed her eyes. "What a mess."

Garrus stared at Jaina, his eyes full of worry. But he knew better then to show it. Because he knew Jaina. Knew her well enough to know that she would handle this. The best that he could do was remind her of that. "It’s his loss Shepard. His mistake. You tried your best…"

Jaina looked up at him, giving him a look of anguish. "Did I Garrus? Did I really?" Then she looked back at her glass, her face grim. “Sometimes I wonder… Cerberus is using me. I know that. But I always felt that I was using them too. To stop the Reapers. That I was justified… but now… after seeing him look at me like that…" Jaina closed her eyes, her face etched with agony. "Now I don't know what to think…"

Garrus stared at Jaina, his eyes never leaving her face. After a moment, she looked up at him, their eyes meeting. And Garrus did something that surprised them both, and reached out to gently touch her face. "Shepard… Jaina… Kaidan is an idiot. He shouldn't have judged you. He should know that you wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for the right reasons. Maybe Cerberus is using you. Maybe siding with them wasn't the best of alternatives… but this isn't a perfect galaxy… You did what you had to do. And you'll continue to do so. It's who you are." Garrus said softly, his blue gaze never leaving her, his fingers gently caressing the tender skin of her cheek. So unlike a Turian… and yet so… right… "I'm not Kaidan. I didn't let my duty to C-Sec stop me from doing what needed to be done. I left. Because they were like the Alliance. Too involved with their stupid policies, too involved in the red tape. Maybe that wasn't the noblest thing to do. But I won't be here if I had stayed… if I didn't believe in you… believe in the mission. You sacrificed your sense of duty to the Alliance in order to do what needed to be done. Because that is who you are. Always remember that." And then he let his hand drop, suddenly self-conscious. He had just touched her! By the spirits, what was wrong with him?

Jaina had felt herself go still when Garrus had first reached out to touch her cheek. But after a moment she had closed her eyes… and let his comforting touch and words roll over her like a wave. And she felt deep inside of herself begin to mend. Garrus. Her best friend. What would she do without him? When he fell silent and pulled away, Jaina opened her eyes, and looked up at him, seeing that he was staring at his half-empty glass, mandibles flaring, his optical lens twitching. Jaina sensed his nervousness, his apprehension, and smiled. "You're right Garrus. Your not Kaidan." Jaina said softly, her words causing the Turian vigilante to look up. "You're better then he is. No matter what happens… I know I can always count on you. Thank you Garrus." And with that she leaned forward… and rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for being here." She murmured softly.

Garrus felt his body tighten. A million thoughts ran through his head at that moment. And for a second he thought he would collapse. Then he closed his eyes, threw caution to the wind. And let his arm do what it wanted to do… a felt his arm wrap around her shoulders… holding her. "Here when you need me. That's the deal." He said, his words tight… but his heart thundering in his chest.

And Jaina smiled.


	3. Deus Ex Machina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and Shepard reach an understanding after rescuing Tali on Haestrom.

**SHEPARD SAYS:**

**“The best things in life are the things you don’t see coming… because there are no expectations, no assumptions. This? What I feel for you? _Definitely_ unexpected…”**

_PING! PING! PING! PING! PING! PING!_

 Bullets ripped into the wall that acted as Jaina’s shield and salvation. Jaina Shepard winced at the harsh sound, then coughed, suddenly breathing in a cloud of dust. Grimacing, she glanced to her left, and looked across the battlefield, her bright green eyes searching for the others, her heart hammering in her chest. And not for the first time wondered why things couldn’t be simpler. They were on Haestrom, to pick up Tali. But Tali wasn’t alone here. The Geth were there as well. Luckily Jaina hadn’t come to rescue Tali by herself. She brought friends.

“Damn it Shepard! That sun is doing a number on my shields!” a voice shouted from the far left. Jaina looked across the field at Garrus, who was on the other pillar with his trusty sniper rifle, the Turian using the pillar’s elevated position to his advantage, picking off geth after geth, never missing, shots always finding their mark.

"Then we fight from the shade… so quit hiding!” another, deeper voice snarled back at the Turian. Jaina had brought Grunt with them. She figured that the young Krogan needed the exercise. Plus he had been getting edgy. It was almost as if he **_needed_** to kill something on a regular basis. Jaina smiled to herself at that thought, ignoring another round of gunfire. Wrex had been like that also.

Jaina gritted her teeth and looked out once more, analyzing the situation. Garrus was taking out Geth. Kal’Reegar was providing cover fire from the tower. And Grunt was basically killing anything that moved within range… including the massive Geth Colossus that was also busy firing tat them all. Another explosion rocked the wall, and Jaina hissed a curse. “We need to take out that Colossus! Garrus! The Geth on my left dead yet?”

“Yea!” Garrus shouted back, then yelping when the Colossus shot at his pillar, Turian ducking behind the wall. “Just like old times, eh Sheppard?” he shouted to her, almost sounding… amused.

Jaina couldn’t help but smile at that. It may have been two years, but his sense of humor hadn’t changed. Same old Garrus. He always did get a kick out of scoping Geth. “You said it.” she yelled back. And then she jumped out from her hiding place, and zeroed in on the Geth trying to flank her to the right, Jaina narrowing her eyes for a second, calling upon her biotic powers, sending a powerful shockwave ribbing through the ground, the Geth sent flying, Jaina following this with shots of her shotgun. And that was when Jaina got an idea.

“Garrus! Grunt! I have an idea!” Jaina shouted into her comm., her eyes busying calculating the distance between herself and the Colossus, which was currently just getting out of repair mode. “I want everyone to fire at the Colossus on my mark. Aim for the head! I need that thing distracted. Then I want everyone to count to five, and then fire again!” Then, without waiting for a response Jaina closed her eyes, and began to call on her biotics, Jaina building it up... Then Jaina reached back… and grabbed her missile launcher. She had four shots left. Time to make them count.

Within seconds she was a glowing, blue star, Jaina wincing, feeling the pressure build, the strain tangible in her features. “Now!” she shouted. She heard the gunshots, felt them rip through the wind. Then she opened her eyes… and _charged_.  With a bionic scream, Jaina felt the energy rip through her body, and she felt her body suddenly slingshot forward, surging forward like a rocket, her biotics allowing her to phase through the walls and rubble that had blocked her before… Jaina suddenly right there… next to the Colossus. The shockwave from her biotics sent the thing reeling… But Jaina didn’t stop there… still riding the biotic wave that had brought her to the damn thing… Jaina kept sliding… until she was right under the thing’s legs, the Colossus’ shields still reeling from the shots the others had shot at it… and shoved the missile launcher right into the Colossus’s metallic belly.

“Smile, you son-of-a…” she murmured, the Vanguard giving the machine a devilish smile, ignoring the yells of panic she heard from the others… from Garrus… and squeezed the trigger… firing her last four right at the thing’s unprotected belly.

**_KABOOOOOOOOOOOM!_ **

The M-920 Cain’s rockets ripped through the thing’s shield, colliding with enough force to rip it’s shields and armor, thanks to being fired at pointblank range, Jaina, hissing a curse, feeling the heat burn into her already failing shields, turning her face away to shield her eyes, then opening one eye, looking up… just in time to see one last shot slam into the thing’s chest… the Colossus exploding into a thousand pieces… right over her head. And watched as the hulk collapsed, and fell right down on top of her.

 

* * *

 

When Garrus had realized what Shepard planned to do, he had yelled in horror, roaring in desperation, wanting to tell her not to do what she planned to do… but it had been too late… and he watched in helpless futility as she rocketed forward, using that new biotic charge attack she had recently learned, and ended up right under the Colossus’s legs, firing her missiles at pointblank.

Garrus felt it. His heart stopped. Time stood still. And suddenly everything, EVERYTHING, came to a screeching halt. Seconds became hours. She was there, beautiful in her rage and determination. Her hair had come loose. Red hair spilled down on her shoulders. And her eyes. Those hypnotizing, verdant green eyes of hers. They were closed. Almost as if she were already dead. Garrus felt his breath freeze in his lungs. Watched as the missiles ripped through the metal monster’s body. And aimed his rifle for one last shot, following the line of sight with trembling hands, knowing that if he didn’t kill the damn thing now, it’d kill her. And fired.

The shot rang true. Demolished the last bit of it’s shielding. And the Colossus exploded in a fiery ball of death… falling right on his Commander in a fiery explosion.

 ** _“SHEPARD!!!”_** Garrus roared, the Turian jumping to his feet, no longer caring about keeping his vantage point, the Turrian whipping out his assault rifle, shooting at the remaining Geth, rushing forward, NEEDING to get to her, Garrus hearing something large thunder after him, looking back, seeing Grunt was right behind him, the young Krogan actually looking… concerned. Within seconds the two were next to the burning hulk of the Colossus, Garrus’s heart in his throat as he looked at the remains, unable to believe what had just happened. _Please Spirits_ , the Turian thought to himself, _please don’t let me loose her… not when I just got her back!_ “Grunt! Help me it up! She must be under.” Garrus said to Grunt, pointing, the Turian then holstering his rifle before reaching out a grabbing the edge of the dead Colossus.

For once the Krogan didn’t argue and simply nodded before hurrying forward, grabbing the other end of the dead Colossus, and after much effort, the two managed to get the dead Colossus moving… the two gasping and straining… making it move aside, inch by inch… and revealing it’s demolished underbelly… and found something neither had expected to see. Shepard, curled up into a small ball… bathed in blue biotic light.  And, after a moment, the two watched as the glow disputed, Shepard opening her eyes, and slowly turned to look up at them.

Garrus almost fell to his knees in relief. She was alive!!! She must have used that biotic barrier ability he had seen Jacob use! “Shepard!” Garrus gasped in relief, the Turian rushing forward to Jaina’s side, reaching out to touch her neck, checking for a pulse as she looked up at him, green eyes burning into his deep sea blues. She was a mess. Smoke rose from her armor, blood had trickled from her nose and ears from her effort to erect a Barrier in time, and the edges of her hair had been slightly singed. But she moved. She breathed. Alive! “Are you all right?” he asked, voice deep with concern, feeling a pulse, his other hand reaching for his med pack, and the medigel it contained.

Jaina blinked up at Garrus, then inhaled, and nodded. “I think so…” she murmured. Then she got to her feet, and proceeded to reach up to wipe the blood away from her nose, her movements awkward and disorientated, her eyes full of pain but determined nonetheless to get to Tali. “I’m _fine_ Garrus. Just a little banged up. No need for medigel.”

Garrus felt his mandibles flare in shock, then felt his blue eyes narrow. “Shepard, you just had a Colossus blow up on top of you!” Garrus snapped, his heart still racing, unable to believe she was fine! Not after such a close call. “Any other human would be dead! If you hadn’t got that Barrier up in time…”

“But I _did_ get it up in time.” Shepard snapped back, her green eyes meeting his, her gaze lasers. “I’m fine. See? Just scratches! If you want I’ll let Chakwas check me when we get back to the Normandy. But right now I just want to get Tali, and get the fuck off this rock.” And with that Jaina climbed to her feet, stumbled once, and ignoring the glare she got, forced her way to the door that would take her to the protected room that held Tali, Jaina pushing past both Garrus and Grunt, the Krogan following in step behind her, the Krogan excitedly complimenting her on how she had ‘killed the big, stupid metal thing,’ the Krogan then saying “This is why I follow you Shepard, big things!” And his words went unanswered Jaina staring strait ahead as she stalked her way towards the door.

And all Garrus could do was watch Jaina as she hobbled away from him, his blue eyes haunted.

 

* * *

 

Jaina couldn’t let him see how much she hurt. But god it was hard.

She felt like something was… broken. Inside of her. Possibly a broken rib or two. Maybe internal bleeding. When the Colossus had come crashing down on her, she had felt it slam into her… but felt the barrier surround her at the same time. It had taken most of the hit… but not all of it. But she couldn’t let Garrus know that. She couldn’t let him see her fall.

Not after he had looked her that way. She had come too when she heard them. Heard his voice from far away. Like an angel calling out her name. Archangel. Jaina had smiled to herself. How appropriate a nickname. When they had shoved the Colossus off of her, the light bad been so blinding, like the gate to heaven. When she had looked up at him, after he and Grunt had shoved that damn Colossus off of her… he had looked down at her… the same way she had looked down on him after he nearly died on Omega.

And it made her remember it all over again…

 

**A MONTH AGO…**

It had happened so quickly.

One minute they were together, fighting, killing off mercs, just like the old days. She’ll never forget the relief she had felt when he had pulled off that helmet and revealed that the mysterious ‘Archangel,’ was in fact Garrus. She’d been so happy to see him that she actually ran forward to take him into her arms. Not exactly protocol… but after everything that had happened… dying… coming back… learning about the Collectors… to see him there, leaning back on that crate as if a single day had not gone by… she forgot herself, forgot to be the commander, and reacted with her heart instead.

“Garrus! What are you doing here?” she had exclaimed, darting forward to embrace the tall Turian, her arms going around his serpentine neck, then stepping back, seeing Garrus gaze up at her, a look of wonder on his face. Blushing, Jaina cleared her throat and gave Garrus an apologetic smile, knowing she had caught him off guard with the hug. If she only knew how shocked he had been to see her standing there, to know it was really her, and not some paranoid delusion… She had been so happy to see him…

And to see him fall just minutes later… To watch him get gunned down by that gun ship… had been the longest moment of her life. It all happened so quickly. One minute they were grinning at each other, having just killed the last of the Blue Suns… and then the gun ship appeared.

 ** _“GARRUS!”_** Jaina had screamed in warning… turning just as the gun ship started to fire… and watched in horror as the bullets slammed into Garrus, Jaina yelping when hot blue blood splashed the side of her face, Jaina feeling her body freeze… and watched as Garrus fell to the floor. Seconds became minutes. Minutes became hours. And time seemed to come to a halt. The world around her became quiet. And all she could do… was stare. Garrus. Bleeding. Possibly dead. And one word came to her thoughts. **_NO._**

With a roar of animal rage and denial Jaina rolled to her feet, still covered in her friends blood, and let her eyes land on the gun ship. And ignoring the bullets, she charged forward, hands reaching back for her shotgun, hearing both Mordin and Miranda yell warnings, ignoring them. God damn mercs! She would make them pay for hurting the only friend she had left! And with a scream she made it to the window, ducking behind the balcony that served as her only protection, just a few feet away from the hovering gun ship… and then aimed, and fired her shotgun. The bullets of her M-22 Eviscerator slammed into the glass face of the gun ship’s cockpit, and Jaina felt her heart sing when she heard the pained yelp of Tarak. And when their eyes met, Jaina gave the wounded Batarian a grim, deadly smile. And fired again. The bullets ripped through the hull of the gunship. And with a shockwave that sent her flying back into the floor, the gun ship exploded in a ball of flame, it’s hulk and ir passengers falling to the ground below, a burning hulk od twisted metal.

Jaina did not celebrate its destruction however. Instead she crawled to her feet, and ran to Garrus’s fallen form, falling to her knees next to him, her fingers shaking as she reached to touch him, desperate to find a heartbeat there, her own heart pounding, terrified at what she would find… and almost collapsed when Garrus gasped when her fingers touched his face. _ALIVE! He was alive!!!_ “Garrus!” Jaina exclaimed, her voice cracking, tears stinging her eyes, reaching down to touch the ruin that was her friend’s face, her fingers coming away wet with blood. “Hang on Garrus! You hear me? HANG ON!” Then Jaina looked up at Mordin, who had joined her, their eyes meeting. _“HELP HIM.”_ she roared at the Salarian in desperation. And watched as the Salarian bent low to tend to Garrus, Jaina forcing herself to pull away from the two, watching from the side, on her knees, fingers trembling, hearing Miranda call the Normandy to come in for an emergency pick-up, her voice sounding light years away. And for the first time in years… Jaina began to pray. _Please god… let him live… I can’t loose him… not now…_

 

**NOW…**

Jaina stood in the corridor outside the engine room, having just spoken to Tali, who had agreed to join the fight against the Collectors. Although she was happy to have the Quarian back on the ship, Jaina couldn’t help but feel aggravated with having to ask for help in the first place. It just reminded her of the whole mess with the Council, and how they had snubbed her pleas for help. They had turned their backs on her. So had Kaiden. None of them seemed to want to see the danger that the Collectors posed to the galaxy. None. So here she was fighting a secret war. Alone. And was Cerberus footing the bill of her road to hell.

Jaina scowled at that. Cerberus. The same butchers that had murdered so many… It made her question herself in ways she never thought she would… And those doubts… haunted her to no end. A sudden pang of pain sang from her chest, and Jaina let out a hiss, clenching her teeth as she rode the wave, feeling her legs turn to jelly, suddenly having trouble standing upright, stumbling, then colliding with the wall of the corridor. She leaned against the wall. And struggled to stay standing, finding it hard to breath without wincing. Damn it. She definitely had something broken. And not for the first time Jaina found it hard to care.

“Now do you feel like medigel?” a voice asked then, the tone harsh. “Or do we have to wait until your coughing up blood?”

And Jaina looked up to find Garrus standing over her. And scowled. “Not now Garrus.” she snarled in warning, and struggled to stand up strait, ignoring the shaking in her legs… and the taste of blood on her tongue. Crap. A rib must have pierced a lung. She needed to get to her cabin ASAP. Needed to get away from those dark blue eyes. Needed to get away from the look they had.

But Garrus didn’t back down. Instead he leaned in close, and made her look, blue gaze boring into hers. “ _Yes_ now.” He retorted, his voice matching hers. “That was damn stupid Shepard. What the hell were you thinking down there?! Charging a Colossus?! You could have been killed!”

Jaina glared at Garrus, gritting her teeth, feeling blood fill her mouth. She didn’t have time for this. “I did what I had to do Garrus! And I’d do it again! To get the job done!” Then she closed her eyes and looked down to the ground. And watched as drops of blood fell from her mouth, and onto the floor. Damn it. Not now! “What difference does it make? It’s dead. Job done.” she muttered sourly, still unable to meet Garrus’s gaze. “Why does it matter to you anyhow?”

And that was when Garrus shocked the hell out of her. He lunged forward, reaching up, and grabbed her by her arms, his grip gentle but still getting a gasp from her nonetheless. And then he leaned in, the two nose to nose. And Garrus did something Jaina never would have expected. He yelled at her. **_“It matters because we could have lost you today!”_** he roared, mandibles flaring, his voice a shockwave, echoing down the hall. Then Garrus bowed his head, and let out a shuddering breath, overcome with emotion, Jaina staring at him as he held onto her arms as if they were the only thing that was keeping him upright, his voice become thick. “And that’s something that I can’t take. Not again. Not after I just got you back.” Garrus whispered.

And Jaina felt it. Tears. She couldn’t hold them back. Not after that. Not after hearing those words. Not after hearing the desperation and pain in his voice. So Jaina shuddered… and let her head fall into Garrus’s chest. And just like that the two found themselves holding one another, both shuddering, both afraid of some day loosing the other. “I’m sorry Garrus,” Jaina whispered. “I’m sorry. You’re right. That had been… stupid. But I had to do it. If someone is going to give his or her life to this mission… then it has to be me. It has to be me…”

Garrus inhaled sharply at those words, and looked up at the ceiling, a part of him not wanting to hear her say such things. What kind of universe did they live in that such words had to be spoken? He was familiar with sacrifice. It was an ideal drilled into the minds of all young Turians. Sacrifice for the cause, sacrifice for the good of the mission. Do whatever you need to do in order to get the job done. But to know that Shepard was willing to live by such rules… to know she was willing to die so that others can live... a part of him didn’t want accept that… because to accept that… would also mean accepting that he could loose her once again.

“I keep seeing it…” Jaina murmured then, her words bringing him back to the moment, at hand Garrus pulling away, hands still holding her, his eyes meeting hers.

 "Keep seeing what?” he asked, words soft, almost a whisper.

“I keep seeing you get shot by that damn gun ship back on Omega…” Jaina murmured, then closing her green eyes. “I see it over and over in my head… can’t make it go away… Every time I look at you, and see the scars… I remember it all over again.” Jaina continued, her voice cracking. “You said that you can’t loose me. Well, I can’t loose _you_ Garrus… I just… can’t. I’ve got nothing now. No Alliance. No Kaiden. No Liara. No Ashely. Just… you…”

Garrus sighed at that. And reached up to give Jaina’s face a gentle caress. “Well, then make a deal. I promise to not die, if you promise not to either.” he asked, half joking, half serious. “That way neither one of us will need to look for a new best friend. Deal?”

Jaina smiled a tearful smile, a smile that Garrus knew that no one else ever got to see. And nodded. “Deal.” she murmured. And with that word the two smiled, understanding one another in a way that only best friends could. And Jaina let out a pained and grunted. “Okay. Enough talk. Time we went to my cabin and applied that medigel.”

Garrus let out a chuckle, and nodded. Then Garrus gave her an appraising look, arching a brow ridge. “I’m no Alliance doctor Shepard… but you look like hell. Think you can get there without any help?” he asked teasingly.

Jaina smiled at that, then made a show of looking up and down the empty corridor. And then sighed tragically. “Noticed that, huh? Yea… think I’m gonna need help there Vakarian… just don’t tell anybody… Grunt would probably eat me… and Joker would never let me live it down.”

Garrus let out a chuckle, shaking his head. Then, with a nod from Jaina, he bent low, and let her put Jaina arm around his shoulder, the two leaning on one another, and began to help her towards the elevator, the two silently making their way to the elevators.

And just as they were getting to the doors to the elevators, Jaina paused. “Garrus?”

“Yea?”

“I owe you one.” Jaina said with a teasing smile.

And Garrus chuckled. “More then one… but I stopped counting ages ago…”

**Author's Note:**

> I also post on FanFiction.net! See link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5720223/1/Fated


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